A formula for better friendships

If you've been feeling disconnected lately, you're not imagining it. We're living through what the U.S. Surgeon General has called an "epidemic of loneliness and isolation," with about 50% of American adults struggling with lack of connection. "We have strong evidence that a large portion of the population lacks connection in one or more ways, and that it has serious implications for health,” says Julianne Holt-Lunstad, PhD, professor of psychology and neuroscience and director of the Social Connection & Health Lab at Brigham Young University.

The stakes can be real: Research shows that people with richer social connections have stronger immune systems and lower rates of chronic disease, while loneliness has been shown to increase the likelihood of mortality by 26%. 

So how do you actually build stronger relationships and a more supportive social circle? Through small, sustainable practices backed by research. Here are 10 strategies to strengthen existing ties and nurture new ones.

Many people wait to be invited rather than doing the inviting. They may worry about seeming too eager, or that people will say no, or that they're imposing. But someone has to make the first move — and taking action to connect with others, rather than waiting passively for connection to happen, can be a helpful technique for combating social isolation.

Make it a practice to be the person who reaches out first. Text a friend you haven't seen in months. Suggest coffee with a colleague. Invite your neighbors over. The more often you initiate, the more natural it becomes — and the more likely others are to start reciprocating.

Remember: When you invite someone to something, you're not imposing. You're offering them an opportunity to connect that they might actually welcome, but were too hesitant to pursue themselves.

One-off hangouts are nice, but recurring rituals can help build lasting bonds. When you have a standing Tuesday lunch, a weekly walk with someone, or a monthly game night, you remove the friction of constantly having to plan and coordinate. It matters less what it is — it could be a monthly dinner, a Saturday morning coffee, a Sunday evening phone call — the key is regularity and actually showing up for it.

Rituals also create shared history and identity. Over time, that Tuesday lunch becomes "our thing" — a marker of your connection. This social connection can ultimately support overall health and longevity.

Research shows that social support can protect against disease and mortality. But you have to let people in enough to actually support you. And that requires being real and vulnerable with each other, but not oversharing too much, too quickly. The sweet spot is what’s known as "strategic vulnerability" — gradually sharing more authentic parts of yourself as trust builds.

Start by sharing something slightly more personal than surface-level small talk. Instead of "fine!" when someone asks how you are, try "honestly, I've been pretty stressed about work." See how they respond. If they meet your openness with their own, share a bit more next time. If this makes you nervous, you can start virtually on Weight Watchers Connect — it’s an online community of kind, supportive Members who are all about being vulnerable and lifting each other up.

We tend to be there for our friends’ big moments — weddings, funerals of their loved ones, major celebrations. But relationships are actually built in the ordinary moments: the random Tuesday text, the "just because" coffee, the offer to run an errand together. This is how you really get to know someone. 

Make it a habit to reach out when nothing special is happening. Check in on a friend not because it's their birthday, but because you were thinking of them. Invite someone along to do something you were going to do anyway, like grocery shopping, walking the dog, or going to the post office. Research shows social integration, which includes the frequency and consistency of social contact, not just the depth, matters for longevity.

It’s true that you need close friends to be healthy and happy, but your casual acquaintances matter too — maybe more than you think. A sociologist called these looser connections "weak ties" — the barista who remembers your order, the neighbor you chat with while getting mail, the person you see at yoga class every Tuesday. 

"These casual daily conversations are a constant reminder that you're not alone,” says Dr. Jeremy Nobel, M.D., founder and president of The Foundation for Art & Healing and faculty member at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. “That you're in this world of humanity.”

The good news: Weak ties can be easier to maintain than close friendships. A smile and a few sentences count. Chat with the person next to you in line. Learn your mail carrier's name. Say hello to the regular dog walker you pass each morning. These kinds of micro-interactions add up.

Want to meet new people while also doing something interesting? Sign up for a class, join a sports league, or start attending Weight Watchers Workshops. Shared goals and activities provide a natural reason to interact regularly without the awkwardness of forced socializing. You're there to learn woodworking or improve your tennis game, so developing a friendship becomes a side effect rather than the entire point. When you're focused on a task together, conversation flows more naturally. You're not staring at each other across a coffee table trying to think of things to say.

Think about someone you used to be close to but haven't spoken with in years. Maybe you drifted apart after one of you moved, or life got busy, or you just lost touch. These "dormant ties" can be a great thing to reactivate. People we haven't talked to in a while can provide fresh perspectives and connections precisely because you have been living separate lives. They know you but aren't enmeshed in your current daily drama.

Send a low-pressure message: "I was thinking about you and wanted to say hi. How have you been?" You might be surprised how warmly people respond. Most of us have people we miss but assume don't think about us anymore — when in reality, they may be having the same thought of wishing you were still close.

Hugs, handshakes, a hand on someone's shoulder — little bits of physical contact can trigger the release of oxytocin, reduce cortisol, and reinforce social bonds. A meta-analysis found that being touched significantly improves both mental and physical well-being, reducing pain, depression, and anxiety. One study on hugging specifically found that people who reported more daily hugs had lower stress responses the next morning.

Of course, you need to always respect others' boundaries and comfort levels — some people aren't huggers, and that's fine. But if you're comfortable with it, don't underestimate the power of a warm hug with friends and family, or even just a touch on the arm when expressing empathy.

When you introduce two people who might benefit from knowing each other, you're not just helping them — you're strengthening your own social network too.

Think about who in your life might enjoy meeting each other. The colleague who is interested in photography and the friend who's a professional photographer. The neighbor looking for hiking buddies and your college roommate who just moved to town. Make introductions or host gatherings where you mix different friend groups.

Being a connector gives you a sense of purpose within your social network. It also keeps your relationships active — you become the hub that brings people together. And when you facilitate connections for others, they're more likely to do the same for you.

If you track your workouts, plan healthy meals, and schedule annual checkups, you understand the concept of intentionally prioritizing healthy habits. Apply that same concept to your social life.

Actually put friend time on your calendar. Block out regular slots for social activities. Treat a lunch date with a friend as seriously as you'd treat a doctor's appointment — something you don't casually cancel. “Making socializing a habit means a consistent investment of time," says Holt-Lunstad. 

And be patient: Just like you don't get fit from one workout, you don't build strong social connections from one coffee date. It's the accumulation of small, consistent investments over time.

Building and maintaining social connections isn't always easy, especially if you're naturally introverted, busy, or dealing with challenging life circumstances. But investing in relationships is one of the most powerful things you can do for your health. You don't need to become a social butterfly, have dozens of friends, or maintain a jam-packed calendar. What matters is having genuine connections — both close relationships and lighter acquaintances — and investing in them consistently over time. Start small. Maybe commit to chatting with one new person weekly, texting an old friend you've been thinking about, or finally suggesting that recurring monthly dinner. Treat your relationships as something vital to your health, like the food you eat, the exercise you get, and the sleep you prioritize.